Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
