Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
