Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
