She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
