never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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