you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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