I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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