even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize