yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
