my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
