she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
