I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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