Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
