Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
