Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
