Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
