he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
