Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
