I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cannot find my penis.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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