Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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