I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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