Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
