Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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