My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize