I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
