she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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