smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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