my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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