Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
