You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
