If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize