sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
