just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
