You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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