so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
