census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
