Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there's paper in my vomit.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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