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you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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