His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
