I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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