If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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