Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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