Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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