I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
