id be glad to
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
