My brain says no but my pants say off.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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