i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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