Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize