Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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