Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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