***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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