I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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