I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize