I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your cock deserves a montage
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
