I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
