it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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