I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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