y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
