I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize