Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i've created a new STD.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
