I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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