the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
