On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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