I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
