Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
