im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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